Criminal 'Feets' Against Humanity

Firstly a couple of confessions:
1) When I was two years old I begged, pleaded and was successful in obtaining an itty-bitty pair of cork, platform sandals with multi-coloured plastic straps, just like my mother's. I look terribly impressed with myself in the photos. However, I am certainly no longer two years old.
2) I do own a pair of patent leather red ballerina flats, but only because the plain red leather ones were out of stock.

Why the confessions? Well I think it is important to acknowledge that I have a history with elements of the shoes pictured.

The shoes pictured are an atrocity. The more I see some of the so-called "must-have" shoes for the season, the more appalled I become. They are HIDEOUS!!!!

Cork, platform and patent leather should never, ever, EVER see the light of day together and nothing can convince me otherwise.

If refusing to yield to this trend, (as I refused with clogs, bubble skirts (both times) and leggings) means I am horribly out of 'style', so be it!

They may be red, but I doubt these shoes will take you home (a la Dorothy). They are more likely to make you refuse to leave the house!